My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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