my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
