Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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