why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
