dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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