I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
50% drunk capacity currently
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
