you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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