some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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