If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
