i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
