I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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