We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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