You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize
