Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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