I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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