Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
