Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Randomize
