Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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