Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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