tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
