I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
