at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
