She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
