What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
