he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
