gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
