You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
