I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize