i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
