I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
