There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
