i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
