There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
