Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
