I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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