If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
