She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
