this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
