"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
