She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
