My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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