I could have mohawked her pubes.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i now understand why vodka
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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