Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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