I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
