so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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