then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
