I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
