so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
