Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
