In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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