god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
