Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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