I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
