I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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