Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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