Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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