If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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