its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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