He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
