im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize