do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
