i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
