whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
