in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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