it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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