So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I have aggressive nipples.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
