Do you still have your period?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
