I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
