Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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