Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
