Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i would punch a child for taco bell
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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