Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
