Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Blood and glitter go together right?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
They took my balls.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
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