i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
