So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
