I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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