You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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