I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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