The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
