she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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