the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So many bounce houses so little time
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
