So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
