Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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