Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
