Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
ok first of all what the fuck
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
