btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you didnt know i had herpes?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
