I'm eating all of the evidence.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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