You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
