Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
