I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
