i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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